Friday, January 13, 2012

Drunk Baby Boomers Can Be Assholes

Tonight, I went to the Tab Benoit concert at Skipper's Smokehouse. If you have never heard of Tab Benoit, you should check him out. He is awesome.

What wasn't so awesome? The drunk, belligerent Baby Boomers that seemed to be in abundance. I am going to chalk up tonight's crowd to it being Friday the 13th, because I refuse to believe that people old enough to be my parents would carry on like that normally: pushing and shoving their way to the front, spilling their drinks all over people, dancing like they have full range of motion and there wasn't about 100 people crammed in like sardines in the immediate vicinity, and BEING FUCKING UNAPOLOGETIC FOR IT. I'm pretty sure the crowds at Slayer concerts were more polite. 

I'd like to go on record and say that when I drink, I'm not belligerent. I'm rather a happy drunk, and everybody I encounter is my BFF and they are hilarious as all get-out. Hell, I wouldn't even describe myself as "scrappy" either drunk or sober. That's just not my way. I'm laid-back. I'm all, "Can't we just get along and enjoy the show?" But tonight? Tonight was, "I AM SO GOING TO BITCH SLAP SOME 50 YEAR OLD MAN AND NOT EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT IT SO HELP ME GOD." The crowd was that obnoxious and I had had just enough drinks to where I simply did not give a shit. And there was one person in particular I had my sights set on: Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole. I wanted blood. 

Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole made himself known when he pushed and shoved his way to the stage, plowing over people rather than politely asking to be excused, and spilling his beer all over my friend Jen in the process. When he finally found a good spot, he then proceeded to dance and flail about, like he had all the room in the entire fucking world, oblivious that the rest of us were packed in like sardines. This guy looked to be about 40, making him more Generation X than Baby Boomer, but I didn't care. After having put up with rude behavior from people much older than him, and having had a few Jack and Cokes under my belt, I wanted to kick his ass. 

For awhile, I managed to hold it in. The music was good, my friends and I were dancing, and Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole wasn't in my way. But then he began to back up into where Jen and I were dancing, oblivious that he was running into us. At the same time, this other douchebag couple, who were Baby Boomers, had pushed and shoved their way into Jen's and my personal space and I was pissed. I elbowed the douchebag nearest me and said, "Really? Come on," which managed to get her to move maybe a millimeter away. But then Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole backed up into where my friend and I were standing, bumping into us. Having had enough, I went for his ball cap, intending to throw it behind me into the crowd. He stopped my hand, then left. Victory for me. 

Jen and I ended up moving out of the area nearest the stage and enjoying the rest of the show from a safe distance because the assholes were rampant, and we were pretty sure that had we been there any longer, one or both of us would have ended up going to jail. Just before the encore ended, we decided to leave and beat the crowd out of the parking lot. No sooner had I gotten into my car and locked the door, when guess who showed up at my window? NIKE BALL CAP DOUCHEBAG ASSHOLE. 

Oddly enough, I wasn't alarmed, although I probably should have been. I did not roll down my window. I did not open my car door. All of my car doors were locked. The way I figured, I had an advantage because I was safely enclosed in a however-many-ton motor vehicle and he was not. He could either get out of my way or I would hit him with my car, simple as that. I had absolutely no qualms about the latter possibility. Luckily, when I started the car, he moved, and I made it safely home. 

Moral of the story? I should probably not drink Jack and Coke while out on the town. Apparently in my older age, they make me scrappy. And I should probably stay away from Skipper's for awhile. At least until the memory of the asshole Baby Boomers and Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole fade away to the point where I forget why I decided to stay away in the first place.

EDIT: I would like to clarify that when I drove home, I was not drunk. I actually was not drunk the entire night; I had had a few drinks at the beginning of the show, and then stopped because I knew I needed to drive home. So by the time I got in my car, I was fine. Just tired. And pissed. Safety first, kids. 


  1. If i could just say i think you would have done that even if you were not drinking Jack and Coke, theres only so much Sarah can handle.

    And may i add just bc you were not drunk doesnt mean you can not get a DUI. According to the test i took last week, alcohol can be in your system for a hour per drink. just wanted to share that with you :) Lifes too good for a DUI!

  2. Woah, Ali, I did not know that! Thanks for the heads up. Yeah, definitely do not want to get a DUI. Not worth it.

  3. Oh my goodness you make me laugh so much! I love it. Nike Ball Cap Douchebag Asshole sounds hilarious, but in that way that really pisses you off. But I have to say I've never really had a problem with drunk baby boomers. They have actually been some of the more fun people at the places we've been. Except for this last place we went when this one 55ish year old woman would NOT get up off of my back. I swear, her stomach was cradled in the small of my back, and even though we were also packed like sardines, that is just not acceptable. So that one lady was on me a bit too much, but all the other times baby boomers have just been hilarious drunks.

  4. Up until last night, my experiences with Baby Boomers at concerts were like yours, Meagan. They've been some of the coolest people to enjoy music with. I don't know what was up last night, though. Something must have been in the water. This was actually the second time I've seen Tab at Skipper's, and the first experience was nothing like last night. It seemed like everybody was like that 55ish year-old lady at the concert you went to: pushing up front to get a good view, although there was very little room. I went from being able to comfortably hold my drink to having my hands practically pinned to my chest because of them. And then--THEN-- they proceeded to DANCE like they haven't a care in the fucking world. At one point, I wanted to yell at the two women in front of me, "THIS AIN'T WOODSTOCK, SWEET CHEEKS!"

    Clearly, I'm still a little riled up. :-)

    1. I do not read your blog on a regular basis but I did a random search for "dancing asshole at Skipper's Smokehouse" and found your post. I live about 2 miles from Skipper's and have been there many times over the years and seen a lot of great acts. I've seen plenty of irritating people there but mostly try to ignore them and stay out of their way. There's one guy who's been a regular there going back to the 80's who seems to be oblivious to the fact that other people are not there to see his dancing. I try to stay away from him but he seems to seek me out and typically ends up dancing in my vicinity regardless of where I might be. Again, I would try to ignore him but his dancing style involves a lot of spins, arm movements and kicks. More than once he's made contact with me and once kicked my date in the stomach. In my opinion he's an asshole, maybe not the Nike Ball Cap asshole but there's no telling. The biggest problem with assholes like this is that they bring out the asshole in other people and pretty soon a good musical experience becomes a backdrop to the assholes asserting themselves with their dancing and conversations screaming to be heard over the music, none of which I'm interested in. I don't go to Skipper's as much as I used to and the experience is just starting to be more trouble than it;s worth.

    2. You nailed it, Anon. I know I will probably think twice before going to see an act there. What's funny is that when my friend and I were telling mutual friends who didn't go what happened, they were all, "Yeah, that's why I didn't go." We had no idea that was the kind of reputation Skipper's had until that particular concert.

      BTW, I love how you ran across this post. :-)