Monday, April 23, 2012

My Dreams, Interpreted

Just for funsies, I like to go on to try and decode some of the stuff my brain comes up with while I'm unconscious. Most of the time it's very unhelpful, as I tend to dream about really random shit like convincing a friend to put her dry-clean only pants in the dryer only to have them shrink and then feel bad I made her do it. And then I'll type "pants" into Dream Moods and come up with this:

"To see or wear pants in your dream suggest that you are questioning your role in some situation. Consider the material and color of the pants for additional interpretation. Alternatively, the dream may be hinting at some sexual matter.
To dream that you are wearing velvet pants signifies your sensual side."

 Yeah, but what about doling out bad laundry advice, Dream Moods? What about putting dry-clean only pants in driers? ARE MY DREAMS OUTSIDE THE REALM OF YOUR EXPERTISE?

In most situations, they clearly are.

This was the case recently. Last night, I dreamt that the cute guy I always see walking his dog (henceforth known as DWG for Dog Walker Guy) was a gay magician. Then I dreamt I tried macaroons for the first time since it seems like a lot of people I know have recently gone apeshit for them. The result for "magician" was the following:

"To see or dream that you are a magician signifies that an issue or a task at hand may be trickier than you had anticipated. You are feeling disillusioned. Alternatively, the dream means that you are trying to fool yourself or someone into believing something that you know is not true."

Yeah, but what about dreaming someone else is a magician? Is that person trying to fool me into believing something that is not true? DID I JUST GET INTO DWG'S HEAD LAST NIGHT AND DREAM THE SAME DREAM AS HIM? DID MY MIND JUST GET INCEPTIONED? OR DID DWG JUST INCEPTION MY MIND

Here was the result for "gay:"

"If you are not homosexual in your waking life and dream that you are homosexual represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. If you are uncomfortable with homosexuality in your dream, then it suggests some fears or anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female). You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex.
To dream that the guy you like in real life is gay represents your anxieties and fears that he won't like you back. By seeing him as gay, then it would be easier for you to dismiss your feelings for him because you have no chance with him. On a side note, it is common for expectant fathers to have dreams of homosexual encounters.
If you are homosexual in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self."

While the italicized section hit the nail on the head, I'm still at a loss as to how to interpret the gay magician thing. And, as usual, Dream Moods was unhelpful, because a search for "gay magician" returned no results. 

 I do remember being disappointed that DWG was a) gay and b) a magician. Actually, I think I was more distraught over him being a magician than gay because magicians seriously annoy me. I'm actually a little bit afraid he'll turn out be a magician in real life because there would be no worse turn-off than him busting out a card trick. Actually, there are worse turn-offs, like child/animal abusers and crack addicts, but being a magician still ranks up there:

1. Abusing children and/or animals
2. Being a crack head
3. Being a magician

Basically, I look at being a magician as being on the same level as being a crack head and abusing other life forms, which just goes to show you HOW MUCH I HATE MAGICIANS.

"Macaroons" didn't return any results either, so that probably means I just really want to try macaroons. Which I totally do. In my dreams, they tasted like the love-child of biscotti and chalk; hopefully, they'll be better in real life. 

So what did I learn from today's foray into Nothing. Except that I want to try macaroons, which I already knew. Bad form, Dream Moods. Bad form.


  1. LOL.

    Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt a child who was blind and mute had a mild obsession with shaking my hand. I wonder what that means!

  2. There are so many things you could look up: "child" "blind" "mute" "hand-shake." It's chock-full of symbols.

  3. "To see a blind person in your dream suggests that you are letting opportunities pass you by."

    "To dream that you or someone is mute indicates that you are afraid to say something for fear of being criticized or judged. There may also be a situation in your waking life that has left you speechless."

    "To see children in your dream signify an aspect of yourself and your childlike qualities. You may be retreating back to a childlike state and longing for the past. ... Alternatively, the dream may be highlighting your innocence, purity, simplicity, and carefree attitude. ... The children could represent someone in your waking life (coworker, mate, sibling, etc.) who is acting like a child."

    "To dream that you are shaking hands with someone symbolizes either a new beginning or an ending to a situation. You have reached an agreement or a decision to a problem. The dream may also mean that you are welcoming something new into your life."

    Hmmm. Very interesting...