Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Teen Idol Beat-Down: Justin Timberlake vs. Justin Timberlake

I want you to stop, close your eyes, and inhale deeply. Smell that? That's the smell of another teen idol beat-down. Once again, you get to decide who would reign victorious in a showdown between a teen idol of yesterday and a teen idol of today. Results will be decided via poll, and, as always, I'll be listing the strengths of each contender so you can make an informed decision. Use your power wisely, young ones. This week we have:

Justin Timberlake vs. Justin Timberlake

YES, THIS IS COMPLETELY FAIR. Justin Timberlake has managed to stay relevant FOR OVER A DECADE. My theory is the reverse Samson-effect: instead of losing all of his power by cutting off his weird white boy 'fro, HE ONLY GOT MORE POWERFUL. Either that, or he's a member of the Illuminati.

For those of you living under a rock, Justin Timberlake got his start in show business by being on The Mickey Mouse Club. However, it wasn't until he joined *N Sync that his status as teen heartthrob was solidified. 

[We interrupt this regularly scheduled beat-down to bring you these messages]

HOLY SHIT, Y'ALL. *N SYNC STILL HAS ITS OWN WEBSITE, AND YES, THIS IS DESERVING OF ALL CAPS! I don't know which I'm more amazed by, the fact that this defunct band still has a home on the web, or that the majority of the guys still use MySpace.

[Back to your regularly scheduled programming]

Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I remember now. Justin Timberlake joined  *N Sync and set teen hearts aflame despite his unattractive hair.

Off-topic, but is Chris Kirkpatrick mixed?

Then *N Sync broke up, J.T. embarked on  a solo career, and several hit songs, a few movie roles, and ten years later, bada bing, bada boom, here we are today:

Still relevant, bitches.

So who do you think would win? Justin Timberlake Then or Justin Timberlake Now?

Justin Timberlake-Then Pros:
-He looked like he just didn't give a shit back in those days. That, coupled with a scrappy personality (which it looks like he had), is a dangerous combination.
-THAT HAIR. It is terrifying.
-Band mates. He can call for reinforcements.

Justin Timberlake-Now Pros:
-Age. With age comes wisdom, and I think J.T. would fight smart, not hard.
-Confidence. He has no doubt about his ass-whooping abilities.
-Style. He'd give you a beating, and look good while doing it. 

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