Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Teen Kitty Adventure #1, Part Two

So it took longer than a week for me to get this written and posted. Sue me. If you're all confused and like, "WTF is a Teen Kitty?" checkity-check out part one here.


The day just got weirder for Eleanor. She had an insatiable craving for milk. When Mandy pushed her down the bleachers during gym, she landed on her hands and feet effortlessly, not a scratch on her. Cats were inexplicably drawn to her. She was also incredibly acrobatic and clairvoyant. The other students also noticed the weirdness surrounding Eleanor and started calling her Teen Kitty. The nickname stuck.

“Hey. Teen Kitty. Stop meow-ing and let the others have a chance at answering the question,” said her English teacher.

“But you specifically asked me.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You said, ‘Eleanor, what does the streetcar symbolize in this play?’”

“Well, now I want you to shut your yap because I’m tired of your mew-ing, okay?”

Work wasn’t any better. Everywhere Eleanor went, the cats followed, and her supervisor took a peculiar interest in her.

“Eleanor, do you feel okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

He nervously rubbed his ruby cat ring. “Something’s just…different about you, is all. Did you make it home okay last night?”


“No accidents?”

Eleanor felt uneasy. She didn’t like his prying, and somehow knew that disclosing what really happened to her the night before would get her in trouble. So she did something she never did: lie.
“No, no accidents.”

“Then where is your car?”

Shit. Eleanor forgot she walked to the shelter. “It was…stolen.”


“Yeah, by some individuals from a low socioeconomic class.” She shook her head dramatically. “This town ain’t what it used to be!” She hurried to go clean the litter boxes and avoid further questioning.

“Stolen by individuals from a low socioeconomic class my ass,” muttered her supervisor as he watched her walk away.


It took Eleanor longer than normal to clean all the litter boxes, and when she finally started collecting her things to leave, it was almost midnight.

“Good thing it’s Friday,” she mumbled to herself. “At least I can sleep in tomorrow.”

As she walked past her supervisor’s office, she saw that the door was closed, but the light was still on. She heard a muffled voice, and, curious, she tip-toed over and pressed her ear against the door.

“What do you mean, you haven’t found any of those cats?!” her supervisor said, obviously agitated. There were a few seconds of silence then, “We need to find those cats! You know what an army of radioactive cats could do if they wound up in the wrong hands? God forbid anybody gets bitten or scratched by one. Actually, I think one of my volunteers may be infected…Well, she’s always been Coco Loco, but now she seems different…more…catty…No, not in the typical woman way! Literally, she’s taken on cat-like characteristics! When she’s around, the cats here go apeshit!...Listen, I’m done talking to you. Your ass doesn’t go to sleep until all 11 of those cats are found, you hear me?” This last sentence was punctuated by a metal clang, probably from slamming the phone into its cradle. Eleanor stepped back and hurried out of the building, allowing what she just heard to marinate in her brain.

“I’ve got to find those cats before they do,” she said.


The next morning, Eleanor set out on her cat-finding mission. She started off by going to the scene of the accident. As soon as she stepped foot into the woods near the intersection, she was besieged by colors and sounds. Pretty soon an image took shape in her mind; she was having a vision. She saw the cats wandering down under a bridge overpass by the river. For the most part, they were alone, save for the few bums who camped out there and who would occasionally say things like, “Shut up, you damn cats!” and, “Your carrying on sounds like my late wife Myrtle! May the bitch rest in peace!” Then it was over.

“They’re out by John’s Pass,” she said to herself. “I need to get over there!”

She began running.


She got there to John’s Pass in 15 minutes.

“Holy shit, can I run fast!” she exclaimed. “I’m like a cheetah! And I’m not even out of breath!” All of a sudden she heard a chorus of meows and ran in the direction of the sounds.

“There you guys are!” she said when she got to the cats. The cats immediately fell silent and watched her intently. She did a quick count. “…8,9,10. But my supervisor said there were 11. Isn’t there supposed to be one more?” she questioned the cats. The cats all looked behind them to the riverbank, where a feline body lay limp and motionless, obviously dead.

Eleanor wiped tears from her eyes and put a hand over her heart. “My brother didn’t make it,” she said sadly. “Godspeed, Friend; I just know you’re having a ball chasing mice in that big litter box in the sky.” She looked at the rest of the cats. “Follow me. I know a safe place.”

Like the pied piper, the cats formed a line behind Eleanor and followed her to the local laboratory that studied things like global warming, nuclear radiation and birds caught in oil spills.

“Trust me—you want to study these animals,” she told the stunned scientists. “Some weird chemical was spilled on them or something.” With that, she left.

“Now to take care of a little business,” she said to herself, and started walking in the direction of Kitty Loves.


Stayed tune for the (not so) thrilling conclusion of Adventure #1! And if you know of a way I can make Teen Kitty even MORE ridiculous, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email! Obviously, I'm not taking this too seriously! ITALICS AND CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION POINTS FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

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